How Do You Fold Your Towels?

One of my favourite 96 year olds has her daughter from the Prairies visiting her this week in the nursing home where she live. She told me one of the things that is nice about having her daughter visit, is that she can ask her to do things that other wise noone does for her. Concerned, because that meant she is not asking me or anyone else to do them, I asked her what she meant.

"Well," she said. "When they bring back my laundry they just hang them anywhere in the wardrobe. I like everything to be in place, the skirts with the skirts, the blouses with the blouses. When J-- is visiting , she can put things in order for me."

I asked her why she didn't say that to the person hanging the clothes. She smiled and shook her head. "They are so busy, and they don't listen, I would have to tell them every time. "

I know we need to talk more about assertiveness, and what she has a right to ask for. And the staff is really busy, and to think that they will remember that about every resident is a lot. So I started by making a sign for the wardrobe. It says 'Please: Skirts on the Right, Blouses on the Left.'

It reminded me of a friend of my family who recently died of Muscular Dystrophy. She had become disabled and had to have homemakers come in. She told me one day about telling one of them how to fold her towels. "I fold my towels in a certain way. That is how I want it done, " I remember her telling me. She didn't do it in a mean way, but she spoke up.

This isn't about towels, or skirts and blouses. It is about being disabled, and being dependent on others, and feeling that you want some control in your life. It is also about how sometimes, when someone's life is very restricted, as it can be in a nursing home, the little things take on more significance.

But more than that, it is about listening, it is about not making assumptions about people, it is about people feeling safe enough to say how they want their skirts hung, or towels folded. It is about the nature of relationships in nursing homes.

And it is about feeling empowered enough and important enough to say something.

Personally, I keep my pants to the right. Shirts to the left. The socks are often left, folded and not, in the laundry basket.